Riches and Regrets
by SeGate
Summary: Cody has achieved fame and fortune, but a message from his past will bring regrets about all he left behind.


He sat in his library, surrounded by reminders of his success. Glancing at a pictures of himself with various dignitaries and celebrities, he found his eyes were not drawn to the most powerful or famous people he had met. The picture that held him in thrall was small, faded, and half-hidden by an expensively bound set of books. He reached out to free the small, framed photo. He saw his same eyes staring back from a much younger face. The arrogant smile had changed little over the years. He ran his hand through his neatly combed hair. It was longer and a darker gold than he recalled from his youth.

His hair was not the only thing that had changed. He thought back to the impetuous young man he had been, barely more than a boy. William F. Cody had been ripe for ruin until that fateful day he hired on with the Pony Express. His eyes swept across the others in the photo. He had considered them family, had sworn to make them proud. Looking out the window over his desk he took in the lush green lands stretching out as far as his eyes could see. His lands. Normally he would feel great pride in that view. But today...

He pulled the telegraph message from his coat pocket and glanced at it again with unseeing eyes. The message there would not be any different that it had been the other hundred times he had studied it. His common sense told him that he should not be surprised. It had been nearly twenty-five years, and no one lived forever. But his heart... His heart wept over the words now seared on his soul.

_TEASPOON DIED YESTERDAY. THOUGHT YOU MIGHT WANT TO KNOW. _

He had likely died warm in his bed, as an old man should and as he deserved. So much of Teaspoon's life had been devoted to serving and protecting others, whether as marshal or mentor. The years had dealt him many heartaches, yet he always kept a sense of humor and justice. Had he been happy and surrounded by his family at the end? Or had he been wondering where its missing members were?

Lou had sent the message of Teaspoon's passing. He knew that she and Kid had settled in Rock Creek and started a family, and if he recalled correctly they were up to six kids and three grandbabies. Another glance at the old picture before him recalled his petite friend, once dubbed "puny, but spry" by the old man. He shook his head over the fact that she had ever managed to fool them into believing that she was a boy. By the time he and the others had discovered the truth, the Kid had already staked his claim.

Cody used to think Lou wasn't his type. He tended to prefer obvious beauties and saloon gals. But Lou turned out to be one of the most beautiful women he had ever met. She had the qualities he admired most in men: loyalty, grit, determination and bravery. Bravery she had in spades. She stood shoulder to shoulder with him and the other riders to face death on more than one occasion. Any other woman would have simpered, fainted, or simply demanded the protection that was her right as a member of the weaker sex. Not Lou. He'd learned early on not to even suggest she stay behind. She could outride him anyway, and facing her temper was something he never enjoyed.

Her personality was passionate, but her beauty was delicate. When she dressed like a girl... Well it made a man want to please her, just to see those big, brown eyes of her sparkle. And her smile could turn coy and flirtatious quick enough to disarm even the quickest wits. The Kid had seen the real Louise beneath her often grubby exterior. He never thought Kid to be the smartest of his friends, but when it mattered most he had been wise enough to act.

And just how had the Kid managed to tame Lou? She had always been half wild, her passion for life making her reluctant to accept Kid's traditional views. The Kid had learned to be patient however, and had also learned to appreciate the things that made Lou unique. And when they finally came together, it had been the kind of marriage that made a man like him want to settle down himself. He had found a beautiful woman and married her soon after leaving the Express. But where the Kid had promised to never ride on without Lou, Cody had soon left his wife behind. He scouted for the Army, hunted buffalo for the railroad, and created his Wild West show. He loved his wife in his own way, but she never inspired the kind of passionate need he saw between Lou and the Kid.

Maybe if he had been more like the Kid... Kid was always so strong in his beliefs. Right or wrong, he held firm but kept an open mind. He would admit when he was wrong and would try to do better. The Kid was a humble sort of man. His dreams were only to love Lou, raise a family, provide for them, and live an honest life. And his dreams had come true.

The creaking of the door behind him interrupted his reverie.

"Excuse me Mr. Cody, I have your lunch here." Rosa's quiet voice held a certain reluctance. His small staff knew he had been a brown study since he returned from town. They tried to stay out of his way for the most part, but Rosa had always been one to mother him. She was no doubt convinced he would waste away if he missed but one meal.

"Set it anywhere, Rosa." He waved his hand absentmindedly, still looking at the faded photograph in the small frame. He heard the clink of dishes as she set the tray on a small side table followed by her footsteps drawing near.

"A ragtag bunch of boys... And is that you, Mr. Cody?" He could hear the surprise in her question.  
He sighed. "Yes ma'am, that's yours truly. I was just a pup back then. That was taken when I worked for the Pony Express. And ragtag is as good a description as any, but I'd have given my life for any one of 'em. And they'd have done the same for me." He found himself suddenly unwillingly to share stories about his Express family, even with someone as dear as Rosa. "That will be all, Rosa. Thank you."

"Yes, Mr. Cody." She quietly slipped from the room, leaving him with the solitude he sought.

His eyes searched out the face of James Butler Hickok. Jimmy had been a good friend to him once they got over their rough beginning. He smiled when he thought back to their days learning Teaspoon's bag of tricks. He had delighted in making Jimmy fall from his horse whenever possible. They had rolled around fighting like brothers, but quickly learned to get along. Jimmy had a temper to match Lou's, but his held a much more dangerous edge. Lou was small enough that she avoided resorting to violence, but Jimmy tended to shoot first and ask questions later. Teaspoon had spent so much time trying to settle him down, as had the other riders. But as "Wild Bill" his destiny had been decided when Marcus wrote that damn book about him.

He remembered that day years ago when he heard of Jimmy's death. Some fool hadn't even bothered to call him out. The coward had shot Jimmy in the back of the head. He never stood a chance. The west simply wasn't the same without Jimmy being in it. While he embodied the showmanship and flair of that world, Jimmy had been the true legend.

He thought on his other fallen brothers. Ike had been a sweet spirit, funny and with a gift for working with horses. His death had hit them all hard, but Noah's passing had been even worse for Cody. It had been so meaningless. He was protecting a woman with a death wish, a woman who cared only for a cause. She never even realized that she was responsible for killing the kind of man she was fighting to free. Noah had said he was born to hang, but instead he was taken by the bullet of man not fit to clean his boots.

Noah was one of the smartest men he had ever known. They had bonded over that tiger they were supposed to transport to the zoo. That tiger had always reminded him of Noah. A wild soul, caged and separated due to the ignorance and fear of men. Noah could have been a great many things, but his skin color meant that he would never have the opportunity. And then his violent death cut short a life of so much potential. It had been much the same with Buck.

Buck had gone back to the Kiowa. He told them he wanted to find his brother and that he would return in time. But when he found Red Bear, he found a tribe nearly decimated by the diseases of the white man. Word soon came that he had also succumbed to the illness that would eventually eliminate the local Kiowa population. Wise, spiritual Buck, a man who had taught him how to track, how to heal. Running Buck Cross was gone. He never imagined his friend could be taken so quickly. Buck had always seemed to be protected by the spirits he believed in. His life had been hard, but he always maintained a gentleness about him. Beatings and hatred could not harden him. Even when he wanted to distance himself, his generous heart would soon find the good in life and bring him back to his friends. At one time Cody had truly believed that there wasn't a force great enough to stop that heart from beating.

But stop it had. Just like Ike, Noah, Jimmy, and now Teaspoon. So many good men were gone. It made his accomplishments feel empty. He had done so many of the things that he had sworn to do back then. He could boast of medals, money, homes with fine furnishings, meetings with presidents, and so much more. But he had failed in so many ways. His marriage was a cold, distant affair. He was an absentee father to his surviving children. He had put aside his desire to save the land. But worst of all, he had forgotten his vows to his Pony Express family. Though he was a prolific writer, it rarely included letters to Rock Creek. How long had it been since he had written to Teaspoon?

The old Cody would have already been on a horse, riding hell for leather to Rock Creek to pay his respects to the man who had been like a father to him. He would have eaten humble pie to ingratiate himself to Lou and the Kid. Sighing deeply, he returned the small picture to its place on the shelf. He wasn't the old Cody anymore. He was Buffalo Bill, a man with other responsibilities. A man so far gone from whom he had been, that he could only move forward. The show must go on, and the showman must go with it.


End file.
